RIP Nathan Wills and thoughts about what leads to suicide

I am subscribed to quite a number of people on YouTube.com   Truth be told I do not have time to be on there every single day watching every single channel I am subscribed to.  There are billions of people on this planet and I do not have time to meet them all.  I wish I did.  There are so many unique and interesting individuals and so many conversations to be had.

Sometimes I just care and feel too much.

I have been watching the vlog channel katers17 on and off for the last 6 months.  It all depends on my time and what I am doing.  I have been meaning for quite some time to explore her various friends and connections and learn more about them.

Last night I saw this random video by a vlogger who interacts with katers17 and some of her friends.  It was a vlog about this young man named Nathan Wills whom had committed suicide sometime between Friday and this weekend.  I had seen him on katers17 video from some months ago when he visited them here in CA.  I had intended on learning more about him but again time it ran away from me.

I have listened to some tracks and watched some of his videos today.  He was such a positive and thoughtful individual.  He was trying to teach others how to be self aware.  He did it in such a caring manner.  His is so beautiful too.

He was a human being that gave so much of himself and shared so much.  People are saying that he left because of depression because of a loss of a loved one.  Cory who is katers17's boyfriend feels that Nathan felt he completed his work and therefore  it was time to move on.  Cory had mentioned that Nathan had always felt that it was his life to live and his life to take.    I suspect it was just his time to go and he knew that.

Regardless of the reasons why he left its amazing how this one individual has affected so many people.  I can only hope that in the long time future(I hope as I want to be one of those uber old ladies you see on the news sometimes lol) I will touch people like he has.

Suicide is one of the hardest to grasp when it comes to trying to understand why someone had to die.  There are so many different ways to interpret the gesture.  Was it a selfish act to get out of a bad situation?  I think yes when someone does something very desperate like killing their family first.  I also think its a selfless act.  A person who chooses to die on their own terms chooses to do so to take themselves out of the equation.  Life is full of the circle of life.  There are deaths and births and cycles between.  When a person takes their own life they are pulling themselves out of the cycle and bringing a chance for renewal and change to the world.  When that person dies the people they love struggle and hurt for a very long time trying to understand why and what happened and what they could have done.

I feel for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide and it hurts my heart when I hear of it.  But I also believe there is a reason for everything even if we never understand what that reason was.

To the family and friends of Nathan Wills my deepest condolences and sadness in your loss.  I regret not learning more about him sooner.  I might have had a chance to know him if I had.  :(  I hope that his songs will live on as the testimony of the beauty of his Phoenix Heart!